(Confetti Print Dress – Betsey Johnson, Sweetheart Dress – Betsey Johnson, Dotted Peplum Dress – Betsey Johnson, Linen Short Sleeve Dress – Max Studio, Sleeveless Fit Flare Dress – Max Studio, Side-draped Dress – Max Studio, Plated Lace & Chiffon High and Low Dress – BCBGMAXAZRIA )
“The day will come
When my body no longer exists
But in the lines of this poem
I will never let you be alone
The day will come
When my voice is no longer heard
But within the words of this poem
I will continue to watch over you
The day will come
When my dreams are no longer known
But in the spaces found in the letters of this poem
I will never be tired of looking for you”
— Sapardi Djoko Damono
I am faithful to a few brands – Betsey Johnson, Max Studio and BCBG – not only because I am skinny and petite and these brands fit me perfectly but because I feel happy every time I put on one of their dresses.
I adore Betsey Johnson’s design. She represents to me someone who is individualistic, independent and autonomous yet feminine, innocent and playful. I love the flowers on her dresses – the cut is ultra feminine, the color is bright and radiant and the details are just magnificent.
And then there is Max Studio with its lush colors, creative stitches and relaxed style. I love the empire waists, the body-hugging fabric and the flowy drapes. Their dresses balance the fine lines of classiness, femininity and flexibility. I could spot one from afar.
And last but not least, is BCBG. I am faithful to the wondrous, mysterious and lovely design that is almost as heavenly as the clouds. I love their dresses and I must have a million of them – they are elegant, sophisticated and classy yet creative, fresh and feminine.
I am always confident that I’ll shine in any one of these dresses!
It is beautiful when an old couple strolls down the street, walking side by side, holding hands, growing older together. Even if they do not speak, the unspoken is louder than the drums in the sky, as pure as a million stars brightening blackness, as loving as green grass reaching the rising sun. It is as if nothing else in the whole wide world matters – just love.
To be faithful to your lover is to love yourself, generously provide love and to choose to be interested in loving your lover every day at this moment until eternity. Let me count the ways.
1. Have mind-blowing sex with your lover. Be generous with giving sex. Make it exciting, special and passionate. Embrace variety and be open-minded. Share your intimate desires and fantasies with your lover. Create the mood – surprise your lover by making dinner naked with only an apron, wearing an extremely seductive (and naughty) lingerie or sending a detailed written fantasy to your lover of what will be. Ask your lover details about her day – sex begins in the mind. Give your lover a massage, a foot rub, an embrace. Intimately touch, kiss and hold each other. And make love like nobody is watching. Have mind-blowing sex everywhere. And explore it together as a couple. Give love generously.
2. Be your lover’s best friend. Consciously choose to be more emotionally intimate with your lover than any of your friends or a third party of the opposite sex. Build a powerful emotional connection by sharing personal histories, common dreams, accomplishments and losses. Make a few small gestures throughout the day, whether it is a hug, a kiss, email or text. Tell your lover how much you appreciate him or her, all the good things that happened to you, what makes you happy, details of the day. When you face relationship unhappiness, stress from work or otherwise any challenges, speak to your lover first. You may be tempted to share it with a friend, a neighbor or a sympathetic listener because you do not want your lover to worry, react or provide you with advice. However, your lover loves you unconditionally without any judgment – allow intimacy and love to fill your hearts and make your relationship strong. Give love generously.
3. Acquire awareness of emotional affairs. Realize that emotional affairs are as damaging to love and your relationship as physical affairs. According to Shirley Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli’s book Not “Just Friends”: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity, the “ingredients for romantic attachment are already present in a friendship. You like each other, share a history, and are good at talking about your feelings.” You are more than friends and involved in an emotional affair, offline or online, however, if there are a) secrecy (you attempt to, or hide [or lie about] feelings or interactions with your friend from your lover), b) emotional intimacy (there are more companionship, intellectual sharing and/or understanding in the friendship than with your lover), and c) sexual chemistry (you are sexually attracted to your friend [or vice versa], even if it is not acted upon). Avoid blaming your lover that he or she is jealous – It would not feel right to your lover when your lover senses an emotional affair. It will pull you out of your relationship. Having this awareness will help you stay faithful. Pull your love back to your lover.
4. Break down walls of secrecy by sharing your desire and fantasies for another person to your lover. Polyamorists (unless transparent), pick up artists, sex addicts and serial cheaters would tell you that affairs thrive in secrecy. You meet someone whom you may be attracted to and gradually you begin to share more, spend more time together and build a wall of secrecy around the friendship. You feel free as if you are in another world, a world without pressure, responsibilities and routines. You begin to fantasize having sex with your friend, planning future dates in your mind. You think innocently of such fantasies, even though suppression and fantasy of forbidden sex would increase your sexual tension, making your desire even stronger. When you share such feelings with your lover, however, you break down the walls of secrecy. It immediately destroys your fascination, intensity and preoccupation with your friend. It also builds trust and acceptance with your lover, as you acknowledge that you are only human, that you are honest and that you choose to be with your lover instead. Pull your love back to your lover.
5. Keep your relationship details confidential to the lover-hood. Respect trust and privacy in the relationship by not sharing personal details about the relationship, your partner or yourself to a friend or a third person. Develop a boundary of sharing challenging aspects of your relationship with your lover first and work with your lover to resolve any of such challenges. If you have a confidante of the opposite sex, keep in mind that your confidante should encourage you to share feelings with your lover rather than encourage secrets between you and your lover. In addition, you do not want the opinion of your confidante to dictate your relationship – consider your confidante’s opinion but share with your lover first, listen to your lover’s voice and work with your lover to define your relationship. Finally, if you constantly share challenging aspects of your relationship to your confidante before you share it with your lover or without sharing it with your lover, consider that you may be building a friendship that is “better than” your lover-hood, which is not healthy. You’re no longer Team Lover but Team Confidante. Friends should not offer or replace intimacy or interactions. Pull your love back to your lover.
6. Absolutely do not compare your lover to your friends. Your lover is not your friend and any comparison will immediately place your lover at an unfair disadvantage, as you are not comparing an apple to an apple. It is often easier to talk to a friend than your lover because your friend may be less judgmental, more accepting and less likely to overreact; however, your friend does not have the same vulnerabilities or expectations from the relationship. Your lover’s feelings may be hurt or she may respond defensively because she is in the relationship with you. Moreover, do not compare your relationship with your friend’s relationship or your previous relationships – each couple interacts differently, each person is not the same, context varies, time changes. If you expect your lover to be like your friend, to like the same restaurants as your friend, to have the same expectations as your friend, to respond emotionally the same way as your friend, then you may be in the wrong relationship. Consider pursuing your friend instead, for your love should be where your heart belongs. Otherwise, pull your love back to your lover.
7. Discern friends of the relationship from your relationship threats and frenemies. Develop deep meaningful friendships with friends who do not post a threat to or compete for attention with your relationship. As friends of your relationship (Team Relationship!), they are happy for you, support you emotionally, help you solve relationship challenges and keep you committed to your lover and your relationship. On the other hand, friends that are threats to your relationship may seek inappropriate attention or harmful flirtation from you; are secretly jealous or envious of you or your lover; or plant seeks of doubts in your or your lover’s mind to destroy your relationship. Old flames, single persons, or attached third persons that openly complain about their relationship generally post the highest risk to your relationship. In addition, you know whom you are attracted to. Be completely honest with yourself and your lover. Listen, be open-minded and build strong boundaries to honor and protect your relationship. Pull your love back to your lover.
8. Find perspective. First, understand that attraction is normal. However, because you feel attracted to someone does not mean you have to act on it or that you have chosen to be with the wrong person. Second, your lover’s actions, affection and non-judgmental support are more worthy than a pretty face and/or body. Love is built on a bond with caring and trust. Embrace that your lover is unique and not replaceable, although you could find love everywhere. Third, consider how you would feel if your lover cheated on you and consider how hurt your lover would be if you choose to cheat. In addition, problems come up in every relationship so give your relationship a chance instead of running away. The quick fix sweeps challenges under a rug – It does not resolve conflicts. Moreover, many sex addicts, serial cheaters and pick up artists would tell you that after the thrill and excitement is over with the new flame, you would become bored again. Do you want to grow old alone or with someone you might not love or might not love you as much as your lover? The choice is yours. Finally, understand that short-term gratification could end up in long-term loss. Keep everything that is important to you and your lover in mind when you are tempted. Ask yourself: Will you feel guilty afterwards? What will you lose if you get caught? Do you want to live with the act of infidelity for the rest of your life? Pull your love back to your lover.
9. Implement a plan to stay faithful. Stay loving to your lover when you are away from town or working late by calling your lover to check in and finding ways to stay connected. Before you face temptations and before you are in front of a seductive (naked or semi-naked) friend or third person, have an automatic defense mechanism. Identify situations that make you susceptible. If you are drunk, if you have already began fantasying, or if you are facing rough times in your relationship, your defense mechanisms may be weak and thus you may be easily tempted. Hence, share with your lover instead of confiding personal details and relationship challenges to a friend or third person you feel attracted to sexually or romantically. You already comprehend that circumstances leading to an affair usually develop gradually and begin with casual interactions or flirtation; therefore, show a friend or third person that you are not available through your looks, behaviors and/or words – no flirting, dressing provocatively or talking dirty. Utilize “If-Then” policies. If you find yourself attracted to, and staring at, a friend or third person, then utilize the 3 seconds rule. If an attractive friend or third person flirts with you offline or online, then mention your lover, use “we” in your sentences and say you are happily in a relationship without any intention of straying. If a friend or third person asks you out (attached or not) and you feel that it would be date-like, then bring your lover along and do not meet alone. If an attractive stranger comes to speak with you at a party, conference or coffee shop, then excuse yourself to receive a phone call, to go to the bathroom or get a drink. Pull your love back to your lover.
10. Fall in love with yourself. Love is built with two autonomous individuals and a relationship. Thus, love yourself first so that you could provide love to your lover. Accept who you are and deep inside your heart, believe that just as you are, you are enough, precious and perfectly imperfect as Brene Brown detailed in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Build your self-esteem. According to Pia Mellody in Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes From, How It Sabotages Our Lives, if you have low self-esteem by feeling that you are less than others, accept compliments gracefully and create a list of positive affirmations. If you have low self-esteem by feeling that you are better than others, acknowledge and accept that your arrogance and grandiosity are abusive and you do not have the right to view yourself as better than others. Actively love yourself. Improve yourself if you want to, for yourself only, not for anyone else. Exercise, eat healthy and take care of yourself. Focus on your goals. Immerse yourself into your hobbies. Build strong meaningful relationships. Do things that are important to you. Balance your autonomy with your love and relationship. Generously love yourself.
11. Understand, regulate and let go of your ego. Your ego follows you and takes you way from the present into the past, triggering feelings of guilt, blame, and regret, bringing old baggage into your mind. Sometimes it brings you into the future, creating anxiety, worries, stress and fear. It puts you down, tells you that you are inadequate and reinforces your fear. Fear creates strong emotions of hatred, jealousy, anger, pain, guilt and shame within you and bring them into your present, causing you to lie, flirt, cheat, distrust and worry. Thus, you defend, justify, fight, manipulate, act arrogantly and/or run away. You do not want to hear the truth. You do not want to learn. You self-medicate. Choose to take away this power from your ego and allow yourself to determine your experience – take yourself into the present now. Meditate and breathe. Observe and become completely aware of your surrounding. Wake up your consciousness and feel every inch of your body, self and presence. Give your mind’s eyes complete clarity and turn your attention inward. After relaxing and releasing any and all tensions, worries, stress, fear and negative emotions from within, tell yourself that you are adequate, precious, perfectly imperfect – and beautiful, talented, loving and deserving to be loved. Spend time with yourself and make yourself happy. You are the most important person to you in this whole wide world. Go forth and take risks. Live. Love. Experience. Explore. Generously love yourself.
12. Choose not to play games by replacing desire with love. If you practice counter-intelligence by reading about seduction and manipulation techniques taught by professional pick up artists and the seduction community, you will learn that “people want what they can’t have” and “people value what is scarce.” However, a relationship that is based on games, tricks and manipulation usually last as long as the game. Once you achieve your goal of obtaining sex or “having” the person, your desire has diminished. And desire is based on fear, selfishness and neediness, not love. If you truly love, you give generously to your lover unconditionally, you want your lover everyday and you miss your lover when he or she is away. In other words, you want what you do have and you value your lover even if you know your lover is there for you always. Your love and your relationship grow deep and wide. Neil Strauss in his book, The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists, discovers that the only way for him to find true love is to leave the game. Hence, refrain from games, tricks and manipulation. Generously love yourself.
13. Give your relationship freedom. Let love be the foundation of your relationship, not ownership, possession, obsession or neediness. Close your eyes, let go of fear and acknowledge that your relationship could end at any time. Give love the freedom of choice. If your lover generously provides love to you, respect and appreciate your lover’s choice. If your lover continuously provides love to you, respect and appreciate your lover’s choice. If your lover decides to stop providing love to you, let your lover go. Have no fear of getting hurt so you are not afraid of loving too much. Respect your lover’s right to choose what is best for your lover. When your lover’s commitment to you is based on his or her choice, not entrapment or imprisonment, paradoxically love and the relationship flourish (and true love is absolutely beautiful). Resentment will eat love and your relationship alive if you do not allow your lover to breathe in the relationship, if you feel that you cannot live without your lover based on neediness, or if you demand complete control or possession of your lover. Instead, relax and be carefree. Release your expectations, neediness, stress, anxiety and fear. Accept your lover as he or she is. Do not expect your lover to change anything. Love yourself. Let go of your ego. Love one day at a time. Trust completely. And give love generously.
14. Respect him and love her. Honor your lover by respecting him and loving her. Emerson Eggerichs’ book Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs points out that men need to be respected and women need to be loved. There are 100 ways to respect him and love her. Gary Chapman in The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts recommends you to find your lover’s language and speak to your lover in his or her love language. Accept your lover for he or she is. Appreciate your lover’s sense of humor. Give your lover the benefit of a doubt. Respect your lover’s privacy by not gossiping or disclosing personal details. Understand that your lover may respect you in other ways but not the way you would like to be respected; therefore, communicate to your lover if you feel disrespected and tell your lover to respect you in the ways you wanted him or her to (with love and kindness). Honor each other by not ogling at, or flirting or cheating with, a friend or third person. In front of friends and third parties and in public, avoid criticizing, embarrassing and humiliating your lover. Resolve challenges and conflicts privately. During fights and disagreements, speak with respect, listen carefully and validate your lover’s feelings because your lover has right to feel what he or she does. Practice empathy by putting yourself in your lover’s shoes, being open-minded about your lover’s reality and having compassion for your lover’s point of view. Provide your lover with priority over your work, any of your addictions and your friends or family (especially if you are married). You will gain more respect by standing up for your lover by embracing your relationship as a unit. Give love generously.
15. Appreciate your lover. Acquire appreciation and gratitude by acknowledging that your relationship could end at any time, which provides you with the urgency to show your lover how much you care. Remind yourself that you love your lover for all the little things he or she does for you and your lover loves you for all the little things you do for him or her. Remember the intensity of the first months when you fall in love. Experience, create and live those special moments again. Declare that your lover is beautiful, sexy and desirable. Provide your lover with time and attention. Express your appreciation and gratitude: that your lover believes in you, does not carry a grudge or harbor resentment, tells you that he or she loves you throughout the day, does something with you just because you love that activity, holds your hands, laughs at your humor, does not give up on you or the relationship, finishes your sentences, buys you lunch, takes you on a road trip, meets with you to listen when you are having a bad day, supports you in your goals, challenges you, gets you chocolate and cookies just because you love them, listens to you without judgment, does not keep score, plays video games with you. Appreciate your lover for his or her uniqueness – that he or she remembers the artist of every song, recalls facts like an encyclopedia and takes the time to look pretty for you. And do not forget to appreciate your lover for all the things he or she does behind the scene. Give love generously.
16. Create positive interactions with your lover. Consciously create positive interactions, encouragement, collaborated problem solving and mutual agreement in the relationship. Increase positivity with body language, words and action. Have eye contact, nod and smile. Compliment your lover and show appreciation. Do little things for your lover. Humor, rituals and surprises are as important as sex and friendship. Avoid scowling, rolling your eyes and expressing contempt. Support your lover’s goals, hobbies and interest. Learn how to resolve conflicts together. Acknowledge your lover’s point of view, compromise and find resolutions. If you agree with your lover, say “I agree,” “You’re right,” or “Good point.” Minimize contemptuous words, criticisms, stonewalling and defensiveness. Focus on what you have in common with your lover and work as a team. Give love generously.
17. Go forth and play. Besides setting quality time aside to stay deeply connected emotionally (i.e., pillow talks and “sacred time”), allocate time to play and make positive memories. Do things together, where you could relax and simply just enjoy each other’s company. Purchase tickets to a musical, a game or a show. Share an activity or sports with your lover, whether it is dancing, badminton, tennis, hiking or billiards. Do something new and exciting – glide an airplane, jump on a hot air balloon, kayak down a river, zip line across a forest. Take a road trip together. Bring your lover to a place where you have been and tell your lover stories of each place you bring him or her. Listen to music with your lover, whisper sweet nothingness and appreciate the scenery. Explore a new place together, working together to plan the trip, creating new experiences. Spend a weekend getaway at a hotel or bed and breakfast, just talking, holding hands and making love. Surprise your lover from time to time with unexpected dates, road trips or exploration. Give love generously.
18. Cultivate a growth mindset and embrace challenges from your lover. When you love yourself, naturally you want to be a better person and you will welcome your lover’s opinion, feedback and challenges gracefully. Be open to listening to your lover’s different experience, perspective, viewpoint and solution. Ask your lover to teach you something – For example, if you do not know how to make cookies and your lover loves to bake, ask your lover to teach you how to do so. If your lover is good at a sport or a board game, ask your lover to teach you how to play. Likewise, complete your lover by compensating your lover’s weaknesses and offering to show your lover how to turn weaknesses into strengths. For example, if your lover is afraid of dogs, baby steps such as showing your lover how dogs are adorable may help. When your lover does not allow you to take the easy or safe way out of a situation, receive the challenge with love and kindness. Be courageous and challenge your lover – To keep growing as a person, both of you must continue to face your fears and insecurities. If your lover is insecure about weight, do things with your lover that helps your lover lose weight and be healthy (if your lover wants) – Reassure your lover that you love him or her for who he or she is, be patient with your lover and do not put your lover down for any reason. Set goals for the relationship that allows both of you to become better people. If the relationship needs to fight and resolve conflicts constructively, decide not to assign blame or criticism (for example) and when blame or criticism occurs, identify it (without allowing your ego to control the situation) and share your feelings in an honest and authentic way. Believe in your lover and never give up. Give love generously.
19. Cultivate the courage to be honest with your lover. In order to create and maintain intimacy, the relationship must have trust. For trust to thrive, there must be honesty – the choice to be open and the choice to speak the truth. Let go of judgment. Get to know your lover by having a childlike wonder and asking questions. If your lover seems well rounded and attractive, your lover may not be street smart, a clubber or a player. If your lover does not want to spend time in the evening with you, your lover may need personal time to relax and rejuvenate. Let go of assumptions. Give your lover a benefit of a doubt, even if your lover says or signals negativity (it may just be your lover’s shadow). Be patient and allow your lover to love you with his or her actions. Let go of guilt or shame. If you feel ashamed of your body, your weight, your breast or penis, your love for pornography, your friend or your family, tell your lover. Be open about your insecurities. Overcome your fear of not being accepted. Accept yourself for who you are and understand that you are enough just the way you are. Recognize that your lover loves you for who you are. Trust your lover with your fears, insecurities and shadow. Break down the wall of fear, the wall that you build to protect yourself and to prevent others from hurting you. It keeps the emotional wounds of the past alone, private and alive; it does not allow you to love or receive love from your lover. Instead, go out to Mt. Everest and yell – Say you are afraid of losing your lover. Say that you are less connected to your lover. Say you feel disrespected. Say you need a hug. Say you miss your lover. Say what you truly need to say. Let your spine be as hard and as uncompromising as a rock and allow the universe to strengthen you and your relationship. Trust that your lover will listen to you without judgment, empathize with you and work with you privately to resolve conflicts so both of you will feel loved. Give love generously.
20. Talk about everything with your lover, even touchy subjects, because there is nothing off limits. Build intimacy by fostering a relationship that embraces open and honest communication. Listen and understand your lover without judgment. Create boundaries for the relationship with your lover, if necessary. For instance, if your lover has been deeply hurt because he or she has been cheated upon in the past and certain words or actions may trigger the feelings of the lack of relationship safety, reassure her of your love, understand her triggers, do little things to comfort her and be completely honest. Dishonesty is usually more hurtful than the act itself. If your lover is insecure about her breast or his ability to stay up, speak with your lover. Saying “I think it’s a handful” or “Let’s try this” may help. Speak about money: Does your lover want you to get dinner two times a week? Pay for a vacation? Find a job? Be comfortable discussing the tough topics in a calm manner. After the discussion, identify action actions, if necessary, and act on it. For instance, if it is decided that you take care of dinner two times a week, then cook or pay for dinner two times a week. Speak about your relationships – Tell your lover that you have an online friend that you have never met. Tell your lover that you were attracted to a friend. Speak about the pornography that you watch – Tell your lover if you have a porn addiction. Create a boundary if it negatively affects the frequency and quality of your physical intimacy. Speak about your addictions – Tell your lover if you are addicted to drugs, alcohol, work, sex and the like. Work together to create a plan, if needed. Being open with your lover will foster trust. Give love generously.
21. Tell your lover that something is wrong in your relationship as soon as you sense that you may be looking elsewhere. Find the courage to tell your lover that you are straying. At the beginning of the relationship or before you stray, let your lover know that if you are tempted, you will tell him or her so both of you will not take the sharing personally, allow your ego to take control or overreact to the statement. Once you start working late, desiring to go on business travels, hanging out with friends frequently or, in other words, making efforts to stay away from your lover, tell your lover that something is wrong, you may be looking around and you want to make the relationship better. Have the intention of growing closer as a result of the temptation. Find out the root cause of the temptation – It is usually a bigger problem. Then, work with your lover to address the cause. Implement a plan to repair the relationship. Take action and reassure that both of you have moved on. Continue to be emotionally and physically intimate during the entire process. Give love generously.
22. Resolve conflicts: take responsibility, apologize and adjust. When there is a challenge in the relationship, most likely two people contribute to it (unless there is an addiction). Therefore, it is imperative that you and your lover take responsibility for your mistake, apologize when necessary and adjust future behavior after identifying the cause and finding a solution. For instance, when you think there is not enough sex, Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks in Lasting Love: The 5 Secrets of Growing a Vital Conscious Relationship on page 37 recommended that you take complete responsibility by saying: “Lover, ‘I’m committed to not having enough sex.’” If your lover does not provide sex to you because of a lack of emotional connection, then your lover would take the responsibility of being committed to herself or himself for not being emotionally intimate with you. Perhaps, you are not taking actions to get your lover into the mood. Perhaps, your lover is being emotionally intimate with a friend or third person instead of sharing with you. By taking responsibility, you are not assigning blame, which is from your ego. Blame gives yourself a sense of false power that you are not guilty but your lover is. Blame causes your lover to seek validation elsewhere and breaks down your relationship because this friend or third person would now “get” him or her – not you. Once you take responsibility, apologize for your specific hurtful behavior. Saying “I am sorry for X” does alleviate the pain in your lover’s heart. Pia Mellody in The Intimacy Factor: The Ground Rules for Overcoming the Obstacles to Truth, Respect, and Lasting Love recommends not only telling your lover how you feel but also conceiving solutions to the challenge so it is fully resolved. After finding solutions, touch basis from time to time to ensure that the solution alleviated or diminished the challenge in the relationship. Continue to be emotionally and physically intimate during the entire process. Give love generously.
23. Keep your lover up to date and cover your lover’s back. Keep your lover informed about your life. If you anticipate that you will be away for work, have deadlines coming up that you need to devote 100% of your time and energy or need to take care of a family member for a number of months, let your lover know. It would allow you to seek solutions early and together to keep the relationship strong, both from naturally drifting apart and from temptations. In addition, when you are up to date with your lover and your relationship, you can tell if something is wrong. Understanding that you will not always feel loved and happy in any relationship, you are not afraid to be honest and promptly resolve the conflict, which keeps resentment from growing and your ego in control. Furthermore, keeping your lover up to date also intentionally reinforces that you love and treasure each other. Finally, when you and your lover are on the same page, you could confidently cover your lover’s back. When a friend, a family member or a third party attempts to spread a gossip about your lover, sabotage your lover behind his or her back or tell a negative story about your lover, you immediately see the (negative) intention and act accordingly. Speak positively of your lover. Give love generously.
24. Share important values with your lover. Find out your lover’s values, ethics, beliefs and commitments. Ask questions, encourage honesty, speak freely and listen without judgment. Tell your lover about your values, ethics, beliefs and commitments. If you and your lover share important values, ethics, beliefs and commitments, identify them. For instance, both of you may value higher education, a strong work ethic, saving money, fine furniture, delicious food or exploring the world. If you and your lover have different values, ethics, beliefs or commitments, speak openly about them. Attempt to find a win-win solution to the difference, if needed. For instance, if you need to take care of your elder and your lover is concerned about privacy, a solution may be finding a place where the elder could live with both of you with sufficient privacy. Another solution may be finding a home for your elder and living close enough that your elder could still be cared for. Be open to out-of-the box thinking and solutions. Understand that each of your values, ethics, beliefs and commitments may change with time and from time to time. Therefore, revisit the discussion periodically to check in. Embrace your lover’s freedom to be autonomous. Thus, support your lover’s values, ethics, beliefs and commitments instead of feeling entrapped by them. Give love generously.
25. Believe that you and your lover are part of something meaningful and special. Be proud of your lover and your relationship. When you speak to your friend or a third person, use “we” instead of “I.” Show that you are already taken, that you are not available. Nope – you are taken so back off, World. Remember when you first meet your lover, how you don’t think anything of him or her (maybe you do). And you discover how amazing he or she is. And you are so happy just being there by your lover’s side, doing absolutely nothing. And your heart is pounding (maybe you are calmer). And you are speechless (normally you would be able to carry a conversation). And you kiss. Remember that kiss. And how you fall in love – deeply in love. Your story sounds the same as this story – but it is different. Your lover might have annoyed the heck out of you (and every one else, for that matter) and you might still think that he or she is just amazing. You might never thought that your lover would like you because you were overweight, underweight, too tall, too short, have big thighs (and the list goes on) – Your lover didn’t even notice or care. You might be wearing Prada or just a plain old T-shirt. You might be in the heart of Paris or under the beautiful lights of San Francisco. The sun might have risen or the rain might have heavily flooded the streets. Your story is different and it is to be treasured. Don’t allow anyone (certainly not that pretty face and body), even yourself, take that away from you, your lover and your relationship. Cherish your love with all of your heart, mind and soul – forever.
May God or your Higher Power bless your faithfulness when you love yourself, give love generously and cherish love.
Have a beautiful day! – And let your inner beauty shine!
© 2013, Fish and Cars. All Rights Reserved.
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